They Said Quagmire Before Love
by switmikan74
Summary: He loves her and she loves him. It was as simple as that. But no matter how much they look into things, search for different perspectives, it all boils down to the fact, however desperate they are to turn the tides, he is a captain, life to him is his duties—and she is Karin, too stubborn and too selfless to ever ask him to choose her above all else.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: ****They Said Quagmire Before Love**

**Pairing: ****HitsuKarin, implied IchiRuki**

**Genre: ****Romance/Hurt/Comfort**

**Summary: **He loves her and she loves him. It was as simple as that. But no matter how much they look into things, search for different perspectives, it all boils down to the fact, however desperate they are to turn the tides, he is a captain, life to him is his duties—and she is Karin, too stubborn and too selfless to ever ask him to choose her above all else.

**Notes: **Three-shots. 😊

**oOo**

"I never regretted choosing your mother, Karin. But I don't want you to experience what I had gone through."

They say history repeats itself. But Karin doesn't want it to—never wanted to see things falling into familiar places of long reused jigsaw puzzle to replace the beautiful tragic love that was her parents'.

She knew, even before she was sat down by her father, about the wretched tradition that plagued Soul Society. She wasn't as special as her brother. They would never allow another captain—another captain of the 10th division at that—to run away for love. Not even if the woman is Ichigo Kurosaki's sister.

Ichigo threw his life away, chose to abandon whatever future he has in the world of the living, for love. Because as special as he was, tradition is tradition. They were kind enough to welcome him in their realm instead.

(Because, Ichigo Kurosaki is special enough to be accepted in Soul Society since he saved them countless of times already—and for _respecting_ their solemn culture over love.)

"You know what I'm talking about, right, Karin?" Her father was solemn, dark shadows crawling up the corner of his eyes. Karin looked away, tried to maintain the cool façade she was known for.

"You don't have to repeat it to me multiple times, Goat-chin." She sighed, right hand carding her hair that were loose from their usual ponytail. Her words were quiet, tone as flat as she could muster. She doesn't let anyone see her fall apart—doesn't let herself fall apart.

She ignored the sad look her father is giving her.

**oOo**

He was beautiful, she thinks to herself as she looks at his figure. She doesn't tell him as much as she wanted to but she thinks that he knew how she finds him ethereal.

"What are you looking at?" Toushirou asks her, head tilting. She doesn't avert her eyes away, desperately forging to memory all that he was and all that he will ever be.

"I love you." She confesses instead, breath catching in the crevices of her chest. There's a twitch within that seemed to echo relentlessly—she ignores it. She had been ignoring it for the last five years already.

Toushirou's teal eyes soften, "I love you too."

She took his hand in hers, caressing the callouses and tracing each line. He had grown bigger after so many years. He had surpassed her height and is almost as tall as her brother, just a few centimeters shy of keeping the score tie.

Even with his powers or his icy demeanor, she always feels warm whenever their fingers intertwine.

"What are you thinking, Karin?" She shook her head at his question, feeling her eyes burn. She doesn't say anything. Instead, she pulled him closer to her, arms wrapping tightly around him.

She is twenty-one already. Her father's words had reverberated enough times in her head that she got swallowed up in their weight. But love for her was always a foreign concept until he came into her life. So she clung to it with all her soul, too afraid to let it go.

She loves him so, so much. But in this despicable world, there is no room for their kind of love. She had thought about it for so long, every single day as much as she ignored the pain that ate her away. There are choices in this world that are just too damn painful to make. But she did anyway.

"How many days do you have here?" She asks, mind racing with thoughts that kept her up at night. She felt his arms encircle her in a tight embrace as if he knew what she was thinking.

"A week." He replied, voice quiet.

A week. She has a week with him. Seven days to make him feel all her love for him—and then breaks both their hearts. It was so ridiculous how the abstract concept of time could render them into a chaotic mess of maybe's and goodbye's—their ending seemed so anticlimactic because she can't bring herself to fight selfishly so he would stay with her.

She wasn't selfish enough to rid him of the duties he had been handling for most of his life—wasn't selfish enough to rid the world of someone like him. But by god, how she terribly wanted to.

"If I had a choice, Toushirou, I would have wanted you to stay with me forever." If she could take fate in her hands and twist it to her liking, she would have made sure that there would not be anything in any world that would tear them apart. "But I hope that these last seven days with you would remind you just how much I love you."

Toushirou's arm tightened even more, almost to the point of suffocating her. But she doesn't budge, doesn't step away from him, doesn't shy away from such force. Instead, she tightened her arms too and hope to any god that she would survive once the seven days are over.

**oOo**

He was gone when she opened her eyes.

The emptiness of his side of the bed signified the end of what should have ended a long time ago. Their seven days were over. She couldn't help but clutch his discarded shirt, breathe in his scent for the last time. She trembled at the memories of them. Last night was a slow dance of passion for them both, his lips searing on her skin the promises that they both knew could never be realized. Her lips on his ears whispered the things they could have.

They were both afraid to sleep so they both fought the fatigue for as much as they could. She was the first to succumb—but even in slumber, she could still feel his stare, his gentle caresses, his words on her skin.

And then he was gone.

For the last seven days, she never gave into breaking. But now that he's really gone, a wave of misery, stronger than those last years, overtook the reigns on her emotions and she shattered.

(_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.)_

The first few drops of tears sliding down her cheeks were followed by a river of muddled sensation of numbness and pain. Her sobs echoed throughout the empty room.

She cursed everything that took him away. She cursed the tradition of Soul Society. She cursed her old man for reminding her what she had purposely been ignoring for so long. She cursed her brother for getting what he wanted. And she cursed herself for not even fighting to make him stay, for not even asking him to choose her over everything.

**oOo**

Yuzu felt that something about her twin has dramatically shifted.

She doesn't ask her about it. She just knew.

Karin had been a quieter girl than she was but the silence that shrouded her twin is different—sadder, hollower in its heaviness. Lately, she has this way of saying things without really saying anything at all. As if she's physically there but her whole being just isn't—her tongue pushing words after words just to not feel entirely disconnected. One push of the wind would have blown her away, floated her to the very place she'd rather be.

Inquisitively, Yuzu observed her twin as she laughs at something her friend had joked about. And then suddenly, she sees it. She sees the resignation in her dark eyes—sees the grief Karin had desperately tried to hide away.

She had seen it a long time ago when Toushirou would visit her. She would look at him with adoration that she thought she would never see in her sister's eyes—because she thought Karin would not be willing enough to feel something so strongly for someone that is not her family. But, without meaning to, when Karin thought no one was looking, there would be a flash of sharp-edged pain displayed in her dark pools.

(As if Karin knew what would happen the longer she stayed with him.)

Yuzu realizes it then at the very moment.

**oOo**

Karin, although too young to clearly remember things when she was four, had memorized the way her father would look at her mother. His eyes were always soft, gentle like the touch of spring breeze during the last drop of winter. He would use this excited voice around all of them but when he and her mother were alone, he has this special kind of tone.

He would speak in a manner as if he was handling something precious, always laden with the unmistakably depth of his affections. Karin knew of this because her father thought she was finally asleep when he began talking with her mother in the peaceful quietness of the little world they had created.

Karin had thought then that what her parents had was beautiful and everlasting.

Until it became tragic instead.

**oOo**

Isshin doesn't miss the little changes manifesting from his youngest daughter.

She had always been mature even when she was still so young. He thinks it was a curse put by the gods from Soul Society for his ungrateful betrayal for the sake of love. He refused to think of it as karma.

What kind of person he would be if he brought bad karma to the beautiful world he and Masaki had created?

It's probably spite from them. Because even if they took his wife away from him, they couldn't completely take his love away for her—or rather, they had never even chipped the surface of it.

Looking at Karin, his heart aches for her—cursing the world for including his youngest daughter in his misery.

"Have you told him already?" He asked, carefully placing a cup of tea in front of Karin. She had been visiting more and more—staying more frequently in their old abode rather than in her little apartment in Tokyo as much as her university schedule could.

"I did." She took a light sip, coolly replying. Isshin doesn't buy her nonchalance. "It's already been four months, I guess."

"Karin…" Isshin heaved, chest constricting, unable to bring himself to act like the village idiot just to lighten the mood. "I'm—"

"Don't." She shook her head, "Just don't. It just is, right? Some love survives. Some don't. It just turned out that mine didn't. Simple as that."

But it wasn't as simple as she articulated it to be. It was more complex than anyone could comprehend. The minute Karin had run out the door with the biggest grin all those years ago had never warned anyone of the complication of falling in love too young, too clueless, too unprepared of the consequences when two different worlds collided in a gigantic explosion of surprising circumstances.

Isshin wordlessly nodded as Karin finishes her tea, cup tinkling as it softly made contact with the saucer Yuzu always insisted on using.

**oOo**

The month of December marked the seventh month since they had broken it off. Karin still wore the green scarf Toushirou had gifted her almost seven years ago—back when he started wearing his own scarf, back when they were only platonically friends.

Sometimes, when it would snow, she thinks he is nearby, just watching her from afar. She knew it would be a ridiculous fantasy, but she tried to get by with that little hope. She breathed more finely with that little hope. It was what could get her by nowadays. Coping mechanism of some sort.

And sometimes, when she is cooped in her little apartment, she likes to quietly dream of things she was abruptly rid of, or perhaps of things that could have been if they were just both humans in a world where Soul Society or hollows don't exist.

She likes ridding people of little details that would bring them down to her level—utterly powerless and human.

(Rid them of things that made them special and what do they become? Humans.)

And in her little world where the world does not need saving from unseen monsters and heroes do not slay with swords and fly on air without needing wings, she thinks her Toushirou would still hate summers and has utter affinity with cold seasons. And that would be the reason why they would meet.

Her eccentric family would have gone to a snowy-top mountain instead of a beach one summer because the heat is just too overbearing for a beach outing. She would be skiing out like a pro and then he would show up to outdo her. Not to be outdone by a midget, she would compete with him until they were both thoroughly exhausted.

Thinking it would be the last time they would meet, she would stalk off angrily when it is clear that he won the argument of who is better at skiing. But she's wrong because apparently the little white-haired boy is her brother's classmate in high school—a boy genius who had skipped grades. That will be the starting point. It would then be a natural thing to just fall into rhythm—just them, suddenly developing into something.

It would be a simple romance, no monster nor duties disturbing them from each other. Just a scary older brother threatening Toushirou's life for taking her away from him.

Or perhaps, they would be simply childhood friends who fell in love with each other along the way. It's not far from what had happened between them. He was a constant part of her younger years so much that it did feel like growing up with a childhood friend into adulthood.

It would have been nice—growing up in a normal world, perhaps.

Karin smiled despite herself.

**oOo**

"The wedding will be in Seireitei on New Year." Yuzu told her when she returned for Christmas Break in Karakura. Her light-haired twin had gone back earlier than her and had been there when their brother had dropped by to invite them for his wedding.

Karin nodded, flipping the channels, unable to settle for anything. "Are you going, Karin-chan?"

She paused at the question before shrugging, "Of course. Don't wanna miss Ichi-nii's wedding for anything."

Yuzu sighed, hand gripping the spatula she has, "And it will be alright for you going there and meeting with Toushirou-kun once again?"

The hesitant pause wasn't as long as people would have expected but Yuzu knows her sister so much that it distinctly sounded like cowardice scrambling for something to grasp unto and make some excuse out of anything.

"Yuzu." Karin started, her twin's name rolling off much heavily. "Please, not today."

But Yuzu would have none of it anymore. "It's been seven months, Karin-chan. Yet you still wouldn't tell me anything other than you and Toushirou are broken up. You don't even ask me to comfort you when you cry because I know that you cry over him, Karin-chan. Sometimes, I think you forget about me too to ever need me."

Karin let out a frustrated groan, "I don't need comfort. I'm okay, Yuzu. Crying helps too."

"But!" Yuzu cried, "You're certainly not okay. I'm here for you. I'm—"

"Yuzu, stop it. I'm going to get over it eventua—"

Their voices melded, words clashing together.

"No, you will not! Because you love him too much and… and—"

"Honestly, just listen to m—e"

"Why couldn't you just tell me that it hurts, Karin-chan?" Yuzu's eyes were staring at her with the same sadness their father had given her all those years ago—kept giving her when Toushirou is even mentioned. Something about it stirred up a dark nagging voice that Karin tried to bury but was never really successful in doing so.

She always tried ignoring the voice but the sadness in her twin's eyes that resembled her father's, hers, unraveled her in a chaotic mess of screams and spite she had long foregone for resigned acceptance.

"YES!" She screamed, face reddening, "Yes, Yuzu! I am hurt. I am fucking dying inside for the last couple of years. Because I already had him, Yuzu! I had him but not fully! Never like what I wanted to! He has lived a life without me in it for longer than we were together, longer than I had been alive. I never thought that he would ever reciprocate my feelings. I confessed to him with total acceptance of rejection but he was a fucking idiot for falling in love with me too."

"And I know that whatever we had will have a messy ending because Soul Society never took kindly with Shinigami-Human relationship. It isn't hard to put two and two together to fucking know that we entered into something still so forbidden. And here comes fucking Goat-chin, not even two months into our relationship, telling me about his own tragic experience with our mother. I KNOW! I know." She heaved, tears prickling down her cheeks, "But I love him so much. So much that I clung to what little time we could have. It went well for a couple more years. But then he came less and less. He doesn't think I figured it out but I know. Perhaps we were careless and were caught but he was the only one to be reprimanded. Or perhaps someone tipped them about us. I don't know exactly but I know he is endangering himself just to come back to me."

"So I had to decide for the both of us before it's too late, right? Right?" Karin pasted a tired smile, eyes closing briefly as if remembering something, "Because it's just too damn unfair, Yuzu. If I was born first instead of Ichi-nii, maybe my reiatsu would be higher comparably and I would end up in his position. Maybe I would be the one to save the world. Maybe I would be the one to be special enough to be welcomed in their realm. Maybe I would be the one inviting you to my wedding. But I wasn't! And it's unfair! Because it's his birthday today and I couldn't even greet him anymore. We were totally shut down. I won't even be able to pass our interactions anymore as merely friendship."

Karin slumped down her seat, quietly chuckling at the reminder, "It's his birthday today and I don't even get to be with him to celebrate it anymore."

Yuzu took a step forward before lightly running and tackling her twin, sobbing and apologizing. She has an inkling of how deep the scar runs but it runs deeper than what she originally fathomed.

Toushirou's birthday in the World of the Living passes by without any hot cup of chocolate or late-night talks on rooftop buildings. It just grazes Karin's mind and send it into spiraling and then the day is over.

**oOo**

The pills began after the wedding.

Seeing him after so many months had started her descent to near madness. Or rather, into a chaotic whirlwind of pain, emptiness, and desire to die. (Die. Die. Die. Just die already—her mind has been the worst company when she's by herself.)

They were both there in the small room. Yet, it still felt like they were worlds away. She's so close to touching him again, to encircling him in her arms and to bringing him back to where they were happier—back in their little apartment in Tokyo.

But every move they both made seemed to be controlled by the traditions of the World of the Dead—their fate hanging from cruel puppeteers in his side of the realm.

Her constant ache to run to him had almost made her. But she was grounded by the firm clasp of her twin's hand.

There he is and—(_I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.)_ she couldn't even glance his way without feeling like they'll be taken down in a snap but help her god because (_I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.)_ she's going insane with the fucking unfairness of everything. (_I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.)_

She couldn't find a false pretense of peace after the wedding. The shadow of what had become had followed her home. Sleep had eluded her—and if sleep took her away, it was plagued with nightmares that jolt her awake. It took her two weeks before she succumbed to sleeping pills.

The first time she used the sleeping pills, one was enough to quell her into slumber. But it didn't take much time before she got addicted to the numbness sleep brought her. Sleep has no consequences. At that state, she's both dead and alive. And she's not thinking _anything_.

As a Med student, she knew of the effect of overdosage of sleeping pills. That's why she sought let-outs as much as she could. She continued to visit their old home as frequently as she could. She walked around town to clear her head. She busied herself with academics. She had gone to bar, tried kissing someone else but just the thought brought bile to her throat. She had never kissed anyone but Toushirou before. And she thinks she couldn't do it with anyone. The man had ruined her for any man and she would let him—again and again.

When attempting to date someone else doesn't work, she began to pick up soccer again. She hadn't touched the ball since he left. Running on an empty ground, playing something familiar has brought a little semblance of yesterday, of comfort—she almost felt alive.

But then night comes again and she is plagued by her snarled misery.

(_You know what I'm talking about, right, Karin?)_

Of course. Of course. Of course. How could she not know? She knew. Quit reminding her. She knew.

(_I love you too)_

The demons are great at reminding her the sound of his voice when he would tell her he loves her too. The wrenching tone—the same fluctuation of affections—the manifestation of her illusions all spilled down the ground. All of them were for the taking of her demons.

(_Have you told him already?)_

She needs to sleep. She needs it badly. She thinks her head is going to explode from everything her mind is displaying in front of her eyes. Illusions. Just mere illusions, she told herself comfortingly.

_(I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.)_

Hands shaking, she searched her drawers for the bottle.

_(Some love survives. Some don't. It just turned out that mine didn't.)_

Perhaps, if she had been lucky enough like her brother, she wouldn't have been in this situation. Perhaps, if she had taken Urahara's proposition in training her to become a Shinigami, they wouldn't be in this mess. Perhaps, if she didn't hope for anything much, she wouldn't have gotten into her head that maybe they will let her be with Toushirou peacefully. Perhaps, if she was special enough, strong enough, she could have abandoned her life too and followed him to his side of the world.

_(I'm sorry. I miss you. I'm sorry.)_

If she was a Shinigami, or if she was dead, it wouldn't matter anymore, right? They would let her be with Toushirou now. They would. Right? Right?

_(If I was born first… But I wasn't!)_

She didn't need to be born first anymore. Being dead meant that they will not be forcefully separated anymore. She still wouldn't have to ask him to choose her. That way, he could keep his duties and then… and then…

_(I'm sorry. I miss you. I miss you.)_

Karin furrowed her brows. How many pills had she swallowed already? She lost count. She couldn't think straight anymore. She just… she just wanted…

_(I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.)_

Everything went black.

**OoO**

Footnotes: Next will be in Toushirou's perspective. 😊 Please drop a review for your thought. I miss Hitsukarin so much that I had written one. I just actually finished the series. College and adulting had rendered me detached from fandoms, tbh. And damn, Toushirou just got even hotter. But Karin's glow up was freaking high. She had grown so beautiful like we, fans, had always thought she would.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: ****They Said Quagmire Before Love**

**Pairing: ****HitsuKarin, implied IchiRuki**

**Genre: ****Romance/Hurt/Comfort**

**Summary: **He loves her and she loves him. It was as simple as that. But no matter how much they look into things, search for different perspectives, it all boils down to the fact, however desperate they are to turn the tides, he is a captain, life to him is his duties—and she is Karin, too stubborn and too selfless to ever ask him to choose her above all else.

**Notes: **Thank you for the favs and follows! 😊 This time it will be in Toushirou's perspective.

**oOo**

When Karin was nineteen, he found himself kneeling in front of every captain and every lieutenant of the Gotei Thirteen. The piercing stare of the soutaichou was enough to confirm his suspicions, every nerve in his being is wrack by dread.

"You know why you are here, right, Hitsugaya-taichou?" The voice was commanding and powerful, a slight disdain showing color on his words. Toushirou bit his tongue to keep himself from answering anything that will incur any more wrath from people capable of murder.

He heard a rustle of clothes and in the corner of his eyes, he saw the captain of the Fifth Division shifts in uneasiness. He almost snorted at the sight of Karin's older brother.

"I do not regret it." He says, breaking the stillness that settled in the room. The onslaught of whispers put his mood on edge but it smoothens when his loyal fukutaichou stood by his side, kneeling all the same.

"Forgive me, Soutaichou." Matsumoto starts, "I do not see anything wrong with the relationship of my taichou and Kurosaki Karin. In fact, with the discovery of her lineage, wouldn't it be more to our advantage if they are together?"

"It is." The old general contemplated before deciding with finality, "However, tradition is the foundation of our realm. We cannot let exceptions after exceptions sway that. You shall end it, Hitsugaya-taichou, as soon as possible. Or there will be dry consequences."

The threat of death loomed over his head and he closed his eyes at the honest vindictive ache he felt. He turned to left but before he was out of earshot, he heard Kurosaki growled in protest, desperately trying to salvage his sister's happiness.

**oOo**

He is shackled by his duties and her determination to let him live his life as he always had. He seeks in her silence the words she kept to herself—the desperation for him to stay, her love for who he was, who he is, and who he will be, the pain she carved away from his eyes.

Karin doesn't see his own in the silence that paints the pavement as she runs home. Or if she did, she never say a thing. She is all of everything that Toushirou has never thought to want, to love—enough so that he is rendered weak against her wishes and desires. It was all too late when he realized that he is captured by her tenacities and brightness.

So, when she asked him for his seven days, he suffocated. She is air in a vacuum—impossible yet miraculously there somehow. He doesn't want to let go, never wanted to let go because it felt like drowning whenever he is away from her. But she is selfishly selfless and he is weak against her.

(I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. He doesn't stop telling her until they both break.)

He left before she awakens, knowing that if he saw her eyes flickering with all the emotions she tended to keep to themselves, he would stay and risk the both of them to death.

If someone will die because of their love, it ought to be him alone.

**oOo**

The first few weeks that marked the rather permanent departure of her in his life were every bit miserable and more, Matsumoto thinks to herself. She doesn't say anything more than the required quota of her larger than life persona, words pouring out and out and out but never touching the tail of Karin's silhouette.

She found her little taichou in a feverish state of withdrawal.

He walks in a way like death already licked his very essence, stare much lonelier, much colder, much more lifeless than ever before—breathing to him became a requirement of need to exist rather than desire to keep on living.

Sometimes, when he thought he was safe from prying eyes, he would stop all his movements and stare at his sword and his haori, the two manifestation of his duties and responsibilities. Matsumoto thinks he could see a flicker of hatred in his eyes—a fire ready to consume his very being.

In those days, she wonders if her taichou would up and leave, disappear from the very realm that cost him a great many thing. She doesn't fault him if he did.

(If she had the same choice as her captain, she would have begged her old friend to run away with her, to live a life they both deserve, away from the madness of the scramble for power, of revenge over love. She thinks quietly to herself that it would have probably save them both from themselves.)

**oOo**

He is plagued by the same recurring dream at night.

The dream bred from hope and love, pulled down malignantly by the force of reality. But he always carefully, carefully remembers every single detail of the dream—daintily keeping them in his memories lest people start talking and ultimately take away his freedom over his own soul.

The dream would start the same way it always did. He would be in a house big enough for an average size family. There is a tinkling chime of laughter that always pervade the house—voices so familiar and yet distinctly new cover his senses. Walking deeper inside gradually leads him to a sight that warms him inside. Karin is there—like she is supposed to be—tickling a babe, not older than a year, and only stopping when she heard him enter. Her grin is as bright as he could remember and before he could even join them, he is tackled by an older child, all teal eyes and white hair but with the same grin of his mother.

In the dream, they were happy as they should be.

But then, a wave of shadows slowly faded them to black and he is standing alone in an empty lot. He would not wake up with the sudden change of scenery. Instead, he would sit down in the middle of the darkness and pretend to sleep in the dream, finding solace within than outside of slumber.

**oOo**

For a little while, Hinamori Momo doesn't have anything to give to anyone.

She had felt empty most days after the war, heart still searching for answers that had long appeared in front of her. There was a heavy desperation within her to rewrite things, arrange the story into something without betrayals. There is still the searing pain in her that never truly went away after her former captain's unraveled plans, after his death.

Love, she thinks to herself, was a dangerous thing. It ate away at your person without a semblance of pity, without a sign of stopping. It had devoured something within her that made her weaker. The demons clung to her even when the war is finally won over.

She doesn't think she would survive this kind of love. She doesn't think love has rooms in between their duties if one wants to truly survive their world.

That's why when she saw her little Shirou-chan a year after the war, she was surprise at the brightness that follows his normally grim existence. His teal eyes gained a certain twinkle, something that she knew very well. And there is always the shadow of a smile on his lips at the most random time as if a thought had him feeling giddy, feeling like the little teenage boy he refused himself to be.

He is very much a man mooning over a woman.

She doesn't ask him who, doesn't pry for any answers as nosy as she was. She waited with baited breath, lungs filling with anticipation. It wasn't years later when she found out, eyes tearing at the kneeling man in front of all the powerful people in their realm.

It felt like she was suddenly denied the happiness again when he came back home, two years after the confrontation, with helpless eyes and a more hopeless demeanor. Because she loves her little brother and if she couldn't have her own joy at the hands of love, she had hoped with everything that he would. That somehow everything would fall to places and he would be allowed to settle with the human girl.

She continued to watch him fall apart. She knew him more than anyone at this side of the realm. People would think him to be over his relationship after a couple months of distance away from _her_ but they are foolish people who think putting tradition first over something indispensably precious.

She visited him once in awhile and tried to get him to talk for more than a few syllables or a nod. Toushirou has built walls around him, so high that even those closest to him cannot enter. His cold demeanor has brought nothing but fear from his subordinates, veiled concern from several understanding captains and lieutenants, and a heavy heart from his sister.

On those days that she visits, she felt him waver at her constant prodding. But he doesn't say anything more than what is required for his duties.

(_Because duties were the only thing holding him down anymore to their world.)_

**oOo**

Karin was fifteen when she told him she loves him.

He remembers her blushing face and her awkward stance, her body language trying to create an air of nonchalance. He remembers his own redness, the fidget of his hands, his tongue failing to produce anything but a squeak.

She was the one who recovered first, laughing. She shook her head at the ridiculousness of their situation, sighing in a way that lets her breathe better.

"I really get it, ya know." She said, shifting from foot to foot. "You don't need to—"

And then he kissed her.

He remembers the softness of her lips and her body, surprised that a large amount of power could be stored in such a supple little body. He remembers her eyes, how they light up instantly. He remembers their gibberish exchange, sputtering with harmless affection. He remembers their following years—their first time, their second time, every second that he was with her.

He remembers with the most devastating ache everything about her and how his reasons for living shifted from his duties to her very being.

**oOo**

Hinamori goes to her adopted younger brother one quiet afternoon.

They begin their routine with the same pattern. The detach greetings were exchanged, the tea was served, and the small talk began to invade the solitude of the office. It was a familiar habit that left them both cold.

But Hinamori came with a purpose, tired of their little play.

"Are you okay?" Hinamori finally asked, teacup placed daintily on the desk. She saw the slight movement of Toushirou's eyes, gaze permeating with controlled emotions. He answered the way a captain should, clipped and brisk, "Yes."

She soldiered on, refusing to back down, refusing to take the hollowed answers.

"Don't give me that. Don't put up those walls." She begged, "Shirou-chan, are you okay?"

Toushirou breathed, lungs filling with a semblance of warmth. Lips bitten with the purpose of fighting his weaker wearier self from lashing out. So he turned his eyes away from the expressive eyes of his sister, sighing forlornly, "No."

He heard a gasp and before he knew it, he was engulfed in a hug, his sister pouring apologies as she cries and cries. She was a mess of pieces plucked in disorder. He wasn't prepared for his own eyes to let a rivulet of his own tumultuous emotions.

One late afternoon on November, Hinamori witnessed Hitsugaya Toushirou's demons bleeding from his eyes, spilling gracelessly from his tongue. He tried to stop himself but all he could do was let out roars of grief, his misery saturating the walls of his barracks. He clawed at himself, trying to rip his skin away, blood seamlessly falling from the long lines he created.

Hinamori tried to soothe him but all the pain he had to mask burst to the surface and he was left writhing.

"Shirou-chan." His nickname falls haplessly from his sister's mouth as he cried, pulling at his hair. He felt like he is consumed by madness, the dark void in him filling with the memories of Karin, of the rigid traditions of their realm, of his indecisions.

"I can't do this anymore." He repeated, "I can't do this anymore, Momo. I can't. I love her. I love her so much. I just… I just…"

The sounds of feet rushing towards them and the gibberish blend of voices were all he heard before everything went blank.

Days later when he woke up, he found himself in the Fourth Division, Hinamori and Matsumoto were sat by his bedside, head hung low.

He chuckled humorlessly at the chains around his hands, his reiatsu suppressed. But even so, Seireitei's winter was much harsher, much colder than they have ever experienced for the last thousand of years.

**oOo**

He wasn't allowed any visitor in his prison. But Kurosaki Ichigo managed to convince the soutaichou to let him in somehow. He doesn't mask the spite that cross his face. He felt vindictive with the very presence of _the exception_.

Kurosaki felt its magnitude as his steps falter.

"Toushirou." He called out but the icy captain doesn't answer, turning his whole body away from the man. He heard the orange-haired brother of his lover let out a frustrated groan, "Look, I don't know what to say. I'd been coming in and out of that old man's office for the last two years, trying to get him to agree to your relationship with my sister. As much as I wanted to end it myself, my sister is very happy with you. I couldn't let her be deprived of that happiness. I…"

A pained look swiftly flitters across the taller man's face.

"You don't have to say anything, Kurosaki." Toushirou finally stated, mouth in a grim line, "She knew that this will end badly. She was the one who decided to end it because she's selfless like that. She never asked more than I could give, never attempted to ask for me to choose her."

(_But he'll choose her. He'll choose her if she had asked. And even when she doesn't, he had already chosen her.)_

"I'm sorry that I failed both of you." Kurosaki heaved, a quiet resignation in his stance. Toushirou deducted that he was placed in a tight spot, most likely he was given options between his marriage to the Kuchiki princess or his sister's happiness.

"You did your best." Toushirou replied, "If I was in your position, I would have chosen her too over anyone's happiness, not Momo's, not Rangiku's. I would have chosen her over and over again, in this lifetime, in the next."

"She will be coming on New Year for the wedding." Kurosaki informed, eyes settling on a determined glint, "At the very least, I would have gotten you out of here by then. And then, it's up to you."

He almost smiled at the older Kurosaki's implication, laughing to himself when the Fifth Division halted at his words, "Hope is a poison, Kurosaki-taichou. Don't give me hope."

**oOo**

She was beautiful in her teal-colored kimono. He almost run to her and take her away, run far from this stupid world of theirs. But the inspecting stares around him kept him from ruining the elegant wedding of Kuchiki and Kurosaki.

He stares at her subtly lest they would be taken down on the spot, staining blood on the white occasion. He sees the rigidness of her body, strained in her own hopelessness. Occasionally, he would catch her eyes and they would have this silent conversation that they would only hear.

He was stumped at the grief showing in her clear eyes. He knew how mirrored their feelings might be, knew that they are thinking the same way, wanting to hide away in their little apartment in Tokyo where they had been happier. He almost did. The hollow rhythm in his chest sounded like a love confession, repetitive and loud.

(_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.)_

Everything that made him was calling out to her.

But before anyone could grow any more suspicious, he looked away.

The wedding was over in a blink and then she was gone again from his life.

**oOo**

Matsumoto was crying when he found her in the office. Her eyes red, her breath smelt of whiskey, her whole appearance ruffled.

She was rambling, voice a shiver, "All I ever see are broken hearts here in the Tenth."

From Shiba-taichou's abrupt disappearance to Gin's sacrifice to his own oppressed situation, he agreed to her point. She laughs in the face of pain, head aching from memories more than the effect of the alcohol.

"Are we cursed, Taichou?" She asked unkindly, on the brink of a meltdown that she, herself, had suppressed. She had mulled over it from time to time. Love is a rare thing in their kind of work. Unlike that of the deceased Shiba Kaien and his wife, the stars weren't aligned for many to get blessed with it. But even the beauty of their affection wasn't spared by death.

"I don't think we are cursed, Matsumoto." He quietly supplied, hands nursing a cup of the alcohol. "I just think that it's stupid to treasure old traditions over people."

His fukutaichou's senseless laughter faded into hiccups.

"Taichou, I'm sorry." Her words covered the silence between them, hazy eyes looking at the sad look of her captain, "I'm sorry I couldn't be of use to you or Karin-chan. I wanted to see something more than a broken heart in the Tenth. I wanted you to be happy. God knows you deserve it after everything." Here, she paused for a second, groaning at her aching head, before continuing, "Hinamori's broken. I am broken. And then when we started to think it won't happen, it did. One day you came home with this change in you. And I knew that it was because of Karin-chan. I tried, you know. I tried so hard to protect the two of you. You get careless when you're with her, so unguarded. I don't want to see it fall to ruins. I'm sorry that I was a second too late from threatening into submission that stupid Shinigami who reported you. That was my only job! God, I'm so sorry, Taichou. Please forgive me. Please. Please."

The lulling drawl of her voice signals to him her departure to sleep. Her revelation had him reeling from the sudden realization that his relationship would have ended a long time ago if it weren't for his vice-captain's assistance.

He downed the rest of the whiskey to dull his senses and send him to sleep as well, his decision finally solidifying.

**oOo**

The darkness of the sky and its rain kept everyone inside their quarter. Toushirou found it oddly relaxing as he walks outside, the rain pelting his skin, trying to make him submit to their force. But he only brushed them off, eyes seeing the grayness of the buildings he had known for a long time.

He only stopped in his walk when he was at the gate that connects his world to hers, his sister and lieutenant blocking the way.

"If you left, Shirou-chan, you have nothing to come back to." Momo's words were gently articulated to hide the bitter truth in it. He shook his head at her, ready to fight her, "If I stay, Momo, I have nothing to live for. There is nothing left here for me than duties."

There is nothing in the world that is purer than that of Toushirou's affection. The two women smiled sadly.

"I told you, Taichou," Matsumoto said as she stepped aside to reveal a small bag full of her clothing, "You get careless when you're with her. You'll need us to survive out there."

Toushirou smiled for the first time in a long while, shaking his head, "You'll endanger yourself if you follow me."

"You said it yourself, there is nothing left for us here than duties."

"Are you sure about this?" He asked and received two firm nods. He sighed, ruffling his hair, "You two are stubborn mules."

He was about to open the gate when it opened and release a stricken Kurosaki. The man's eyes were red, his lips thinned, obviously bitten until they bled.

"Find her." Kurosaki said, hands heavy on the white-haired captain, "Find Karin."

"I was about to." He said, "I'm going to the World of the Living and live there with her."

Kurosaki shook his head, "She's dead, Toushirou."

"What do you mean?" He felt like someone is squeezing his throat, a white ringing noise penetrated his senses, the gasps of the two women going unheard.

"Yuzu found her spirit by her bed, looking at her body." Kurosaki's voice is aggravated, frustrated, guilty, "She overdosed herself with the sleeping pills."

Suddenly, the world stops spinning on its axis. There was a dull thudding within him that grew into a loud growling noise. He doesn't notice himself fall to his knees, his denials loud in the solemn air of Seireitei.

And then suddenly, his body is on automatic, sword drawn as he raced to the soutaichou. He doesn't hear his name being repeated in mortification and desperation. He was almost at the First Division when he felt a sharp pain course through his body starting from his neck.

It only took a second before everything went black.

**oOo**

Okay. That did not turn into what I was picturing at first. But oh well. Leave a review? 😊 I'd be nicer on the last chapter. Tehee.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: ****They Said Quagmire Before Love**

**Pairing: ****HitsuKarin, implied IchiRuki**

**Genre: ****Romance/Hurt/Comfort**

**Summary: **He loves her and she loves him. It was as simple as that. But no matter how much they look into things, search for different perspectives, it all boils down to the fact, however desperate they are to turn the tides, he is a captain, life to him is his duties—and she is Karin, too stubborn and too selfless to ever ask him to choose her above all else.

**Notes: **Thank you for the reviews and favs and follows! 😊 This time it will be in every perspective available. And I never expected it to be this long. So I cut it and it will be four-shots.

Also, Karin is dating an older-looking Toushirou. I mentioned it in the first chapter where Toushirou is almost as tall as Ichigo.

**oOo**

Matsumoto thinks that there is only sadness in their kind of work. Nothing ever happens according to plan and if it did, the twist by the end would be even more devastating.

She is stripped of her sword and imprisoned in the highest of towers next to her taichou and Hinamori. There was a lull of wistfulness settling in the crevices of her chest, the feeling reminded her of old times when she was too powerless to protect the one she loves—always getting protected instead.

It brought tears to her eyes as she watched her taichou's empty stare, the man unraveled by the death of Karin. He sat in the middle of his cell motionlessly. If it weren't for the rhythmic drums of his chest, she would have presumed him dead. But there he was, tied and suppressed, with the desire to destroy everything in his way for getting in the way of Karin's life.

The sound of footsteps disturbs her observation, eyes straying to the familiar stance of the soutaichou—behind him are the captains and lieutenants.

"The three of them had shown a blatant disrespect for the system that governed our land for the past thousands of years." He started, eyes piercing, "Hitsugaya-taichou had attempted to harm me after hearing the news of Kurosaki Karin's death. Had it not been for the quick actions of Soifon-taichou and Kuchiki-taichou, he would have definitely conducted treason. And as for Hinamori-fukutaichou and Matsumoto-fukutaichou, they would have assisted in the escape of Hitsugaya-taichou to continue his forbidden affairs had the girl not die."

Matsumoto raised a brow at the way they were being addressed but kept her quip to herself, waiting for their final verdict.

"They would have been sentenced to death." The presumption hadn't gotten over her head, understanding that their sentence has been somehow lowered. "However, due to their important contribution to the war and for their irreplaceable abilities and our shortage of men, we had decided to put the vice captains under heavy probation. They will be constantly monitored for the next decades or so and will be forbidden to step outside the realm." Turning to the motionless captain, "And as for Hitsugaya-taichou, all his memories about Kurosaki Karin will be erased and he will resume his duties as it is."

"What?" Matsumoto protested, "You can't do that! Karin-chan! Karin-chan is a part of Taichou." She turned to Toushirou, shouting at him, "Taichou! Taichou! Please answer them. Refuse them! Please!"

"Unless you wanted him dead instead, I suggest you quiet down, Matsumoto-fukutaichou." The soutaichou threatened, effectively silencing the woman. The cold room quieten into nothing but the sobs of Hinamori's "Oh, Shirou-chan."

**oOo**

Toushirou wonders what happened to his sister and fukutaichou. He remembers them to be brighter than the sun, always wearing those happy grins, carrying with them the attention of the room whenever and wherever they enter.

Instead, they watch him like the world had been pulled under their feet. There is the same kind of sadness in their eyes that you could hardly miss. Whenever he visits his sister, she almost always retreated back to her shell. She couldn't look at him without tearing up, without trying to hold herself together.

His fukutaichou was a drunkard, he knows. But lately she doesn't touch a cup of sake, she doesn't go out to party nor evade paperwork. She sat at her desk all day diligently working. When he asked her why, accusing her of being replaced or having done something idiotic she needed to cover up, she doesn't laugh boisterously like before. Instead, she would look guilty and apologetic, as if she had done something so terrible that she needed to repent until her dying breath.

And she would always tell him that she's sorry. But she doesn't tell him why. She would immediately look away, like the sight of him alone brought so much pain.

He would feel apologetic too and he would tell them sorry. But he, himself, doesn't understand the suffocating feeling, cannot grasp the notion so he always, always just continues his duties. He has a lot of them and he can't fail his realm—there's just so much riding on his shoulders for him to fail Soul Society.

**oOo**

Ichigo would visit Toushirou sometimes.

He would pour himself a cup of tea and converse with the icy taichou. There is a sense of guilt in him that doesn't go away, searing him whenever he sees the white-haired man.

Toushirou would tell him to go away. But he doesn't miss the peculiar confusion that would settle in the shorter man's eyes as if he is trying to piece something together but is missing a few jigsaws to complete the set. Whenever he has that kind of glint, he would meticulously tailor their conversation, fitting his black-haired sister into it.

"She was a tough woman." He would chuckle, missing the little spitfire, "When she was eleven, she figured out I was a Shinigami. I thought she would rat me out. But she didn't. She pretended to be mistaken and had gone on with her life, worrying about me secretly."

"You're a stupid man for being caught." Toushirou would input as he continued his work, "She seems rather interesting more than you. Smarter even."

"If you two would have met, you both would have clicked." Ichigo smiled thinly. Perhaps, if they would have met under different circumstances, under lighter traditions, they would have championed their love.

Toushirou shook his head, "I don't have time to 'click' with humans."

"If you have met her, you'll change your mind." Ichigo always ended their conversation in the same way. He knows that he spoke too much about the one person they made Toushirou forget. But he'll be damned if Karin's death would go to waste because of their meddling. With her death, there is no more boundary that Soul Society could push down on the two. He will find his sister on his own and he would protect her happiness even if she had forgotten about Toushirou and Toushirou had forgotten about her.

He promised to be there for her no matter what and he failed her in her previous life. He wouldn't fail her in her second one.

**oOo**

Sometimes, when Karin is awake, she would suddenly feel a wash of grief in her soul. There is an emptiness within her that rendered her functionless sometimes. An ache of some sort that she carried even in the afterlife.

There is no sense of goal in her. She only ever wanders around from one point to another. Maybe, she thinks, if she kept on walking, she would forget that twinge in her heart. So she walks from dawn to dusk, only stopping when she is ready to fall from hunger.

She doesn't take with her the people she met along the way. She felt as if she would destroy them if they did. And nobody deserves to be destroyed, not with the heavy sadness she carries with her.

She continued her little aimless journey with only her full name as her clue.

**oOo**

Rukia knew of her husband's guilt. It ate him away and he is thrown to restless sleeps. There are days when Ichigo never does manage to slumber. She would keep company like the good and supportive wife she promised to be.

She accompanies him in the search for his little sister. She knows that it would be the only way to ease his guilt. On nights that they do search but ended up without Karin by their side would be a particularly bad night. Ichigo would drift in and out of sleep, nightmares would plague him.

Rukia always had to hold him tight, afraid that he would let his guilt consume him to the point of no return.

It wouldn't be years later when they see Karin again, found by the least expected person to do so. (But also the person they all wanted to do so.)

**oOo**

If people knew of their firsthand exposure again of each other after being forcefully pulled apart, they would romanticize it as fate. They would tell them that the stars aligned to direct them to where the other is, drafting a path that would take them full circle.

But nobody stood to witness the cards of fate being played again. There was no one from their old life that bear witness to the unfolding of yet another series of twists and turns. There was no one but a little old lady who was none the wiser as the rest.

It all started when Toushirou felt suffocated confined in the office with his fukutaichou whose smile and laughter have fallen flat as days pass, whose exuberant personality continued to wither away.

His sister has not helped either. Talking to her felt like his energy was being sapped away. She doesn't offer any comfort, doesn't bring her cheery persona to light up the room, her very shadow consumed even her light; she was as hollow as a China doll can be.

The thing about these oddities is that it persisted even as they began to slip their old façade. It was all too fake for him. Had he not known them closely, they could have fooled him too. But he does know them and so their charade drives him up the wall—enough to adapt a coping mechanism that pried him away from the two women.

He started walking at night. The company of the darkness was welcoming, it does not offer unnecessary pretense. The moon and stars witnessed his daily midnight stroll, witnessed him breathe a little better away from the sudden change he faced. But even the strolls sometimes reminded him of things he would rather not think about. Particularly bad thoughts about his sister and his fukutaichou's change sent him into a frustrated fit. Those nights would not be enough to cool him down.

So he visited his grandmother—the woman, a place of unchanged, someone he knew that would always be a stagnant reminder of where he had come from.

That was also the day that fate had started to play her cards again.

When Toushirou visited his grandmother for a change of scenery, he is surprised at the unfamiliar black-haired woman lying unconscious in their house. His grandmother has worried creases in her aging face, gently caring for the woman.

"Who is she, grandma?" He asked but the old woman shrugs, "I do not know, Toushirou. I had seen her fall in the middle of the street, the poor thing. I fed her to regain back her health, but she had fallen asleep afterwards. It had been two days since."

"She has a large amount of reiatsu." He observed, "Maybe I could recruit her in the academy. She would thrive there more as her needs will be catered to."

"Maa." His grandmother hummed, "Let us ask her first when she wakes up."

He stayed for a week, taking his much needed vacation.

He spent his morning with a light exercise and then meditation by the falls. After his morning routine, he would take his grandmother for a walk around town. He would ignore the awestruck looks of the people who used to sneer at him and listened intently to his grandmother's stories, most of them a reminiscent of their past.

(_Toushirou, how you've grown so much. It wasn't long ago when you are this little! But now look at you.)_

Their walk would always be cut short. His grandmother worried about the unconscious woman far too much. To appease her, he would do a brief evaluation of her health, something he had learned back in the academy. It would all point to one problem: exhaustion. He deduced that she hadn't eaten nor have enough rest something for so long which was inappropriate for the amount of her reiatsu.

"How would she recover if she doesn't eat?" His grandmother fretted, implying her inability to eat something in her state of unconsciousness.

"I could go to the Fourth Division to ask for assistance just in case." He suggested thoughtfully, "She really has a rather vast amount of reiatsu. It's familiar somewhat. And it's so peculiar that even with the beacon of her energy, few hollows had breached to eat her."

"That will be a good idea, Toushirou. She'll endanger herself if she stayed outside Seireitei."

He left at the very last day of his vacation, milking it and savoring the distance from the two people who reminded him of corpses. The woman doesn't wake up in those periods that he stayed. And when she did, he was long gone.

The next time he visits was a week later but she, too, had long disappeared.

**oOo**

Hinamori sometimes thinks that she had failed being a sister.

After all the commotion, after her little brother faced retribution, after they were all deigned harmless enough due to Toushirou's memory loss, she had felt a great amount of pain. An ache that surpasses even the pain that Aizen had inflicted. She cradles it in her arms like a fragile child, afraid if she ever put it down it will break into ceaseless cries.

When she looks at her brother, she couldn't help herself. Something has always given in and she hurriedly looked away. The man in front of her reminded her of cold shells, incomplete memories of an incomplete man. He looks the way before he tasted a sense of happiness—work-driven, as if besides protecting the few he held dear, duty was the one that holds him together.

He reminded her of her little Shirou-chan before he was even ever recognized to be someone powerful, a lonely child in Rukongai who wanted to live but was denied the joy of it. So he existed merely to satisfy the works of the world.

She hadn't talk with him the same way he was used to in the past, as he had thought nothing has change, nothing has given way. (_When in reality, everything has change, everything has been taken away.)_

There were times when she caught him looking at her and Matsumoto and he sported a confused expression. She wouldn't fault him. He had been kept in the dark and the whole of Seireitei has obeyed under the commands of the soutaichou. Unless there would be a miracle, he would never truly know why the two women closest to him had dramatically changed in a way that both couldn't even try to hide from him.

On other days that he would care enough to ask, there were very little she could say. Hinamori would try to breathe a little better for him as to lessen the burden he is unknowingly carrying. She would tell him the same thing that everybody would say in fear that meddling would make her Shirou-chan unhappier.

"I'm sorry." She stops at that, caging the regrets from spilling out of her. She would hastily make her getaway and answers would still elude Toushirou. And she knew with the growing confusion in his eyes, she fails yet again.

**oOo**

Toushirou met the black-haired woman again three years later.

She flickered back in his life without warning. It was all a coincidence, short of a joke from the universe. But he sees her again, her old worn out brown clothes were replaced by a midnight blue kimono. Her long black hair was tied and he wouldn't have recognized her if it weren't for the slight burst of spiritual energy from her.

Uncharacteristically, he had approached her without any preamble, words naturally flowing out of him, "You have learned to control your reiatsu."

She was startled as expected, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Rudely, she pointed, "Who the fuck are you?"

"I am sorry for my rude behavior." He acknowledged, stepping back to say that he meant no harm. "I am a Shinigami."

"I asked who you are and not what you are." She rolled her eyes, huffing. Toushirou felt his eyebrow twitch in annoyance.

"I am Hitsugaya Toushirou." He gritted, "I have recognized you as that woman who was rescued by my grandmother."

There was no recognition that flash in her eyes, only an acknowledgement that there was a time she was helped by someone a long time ago. She nodded her head in understanding, "Ah. You were probably the person that old woman talked about, wanting me to be a Shinigami too."

"Why'd you left?" He asked, "I had offered on taking you to the Fourth. You would have recovered better."

She shook her head, "I wouldn't want to intrude any further. Plus, I make a living now to provide for myself. See? I just bought these clothes from my own pocket."

He narrowed his eyes, "Hopefully, your living is honorable."

She bristled, "Are you calling me a harlot?"

"In this part of Rukongai, women were known to sell themselves." Toushirou explained before backtracking as he noticed the fury rising in the depth of her dark blue eyes, "But you have far too much pride to sink that low, I supposed. What is your living?"

She huffed, refusing to answer him for a second before saying, "I heal people, you know. Not much but enough to cure injuries and back pain."

"That's too advance for you. How'd you learn it?" Toushirou's curiosity was pique. It's not everyday you discover an odd woman who could heal people without proper training.

"I'm not obliged to answer you that." She says, "Unless you would like me to heal your obvious shoulder pain and pay me for my service, I am afraid you would not of use for me. Now scram, pretty boy."

"Your sarcasm and business-mindedness must be the stellar qualities of yours." He drawled, a slight amount of spite sipping at her rudeness, "You're still talking to a Shinigami. A captain, at that."

"If you haven't noticed already, I really don't care." She rolled her pretty eyes, "Aren't captains supposed to be stuck on their butt filing paperwork or something? You're disturbing me."

"God, you're an annoying woman, aren't you?" He spits back before turning. He steps forward for a few measly distance before he stops and slant his eyes back at the woman discretely watching him go, "Will you be here again? The offer still stands, you know. About becoming a Shinigami."

She tilted her head in thought before replying, "I don't know. I have a habit of wandering aimlessly around. Plus, I don't think Shinigami is a path for me."

(If they had both remembered who they were, Toushirou would understand why she refuses to take the path her brother has forged for himself. She always wanted to break away from the destiny her family seemed to have. But they don't remember. To him, she is only an interesting woman with peculiar control of her vast amount of spiritual energy. And to her, he is a passing Shinigami that annoyed her for suggesting that she may be a harlot.)

**oOo**

It happened in a blink of an eye. The change in demeanor of the usually frosty Tenth captain was noticeable in the eyes of those who knew him far too well. It started with little spaces of rest in the workplace, his face blank in the manner of thinking. Matsumoto had long recognized it as being a thoughtful expression—she knew of its existence when it first started appearing, an expression she saw so long ago that it became foreign for a while before she pinpointed when it exactly started showing.

In mild suspicion, she asked, "Are you thinking about a girl, Taichou?"

He flinches at the tone, almost in a singsong manner slyly covered by a quieter tone, and still he couldn't help the reddening of his cheeks, "I am not. Go back to work, Matsumoto."

"Oho." She quirked a brow, lips thinning, "Who is she?"

She wasn't rewarded by any answers, only a huff. Her heart sinks at the realization. Her little taichou is crushing on someone. She swallowed thickly, "You know, you would like Ichigo's sister if you met her."

"Which sister? That Karin?" Toushirou muttered in annoyance, "As protective as Ichigo is with the other one, he seemed to be overselling the other twin. Wherever she was, she would have thrown a fit for being sold away."

"Karin is a very nice woman." She remembers how much Karin had cared about her taichou, choosing him over anything else, over life, "When she was alive, she would go hollow-hunting in her tiny body. Well, until she was fifteen really. Someone convinced her to treasure her life more, to trust him that he'll protect her instead, protect her beloved town. And she did. She trusted him with her whole life."

There was a blue wistfulness coloring her voice, eyes seeing something that had already gone. Matsumoto smiled in spite of the memory, "I felt like she would do the same with you. Trust you with her whole life, I mean." (She bit her tongue to stop herself from saying 'again'.)

"She does sound like a nice woman." Toushirou nodded amiably, "I'm not interested much though. Kurosaki-taichou is out there searching for her. It's been years since she died. She must have a very low reiatsu as not to be found even now."

"And who is more interesting in your opinion?" Matsumoto urged, upset that her taichou could have dismissed the idea of Karin (as impossible it was back then).

"It's not that I found anyone interesting." Matsumoto snorted at the lie, he huffed, "I'm not obliged to answer you that."

He almost laughed when he used the same exact words the woman had told him. But he rearranged his expression into one of his cool façades, ignoring the meddling woman. In that short period of conversation, he took notice how his fukutaichou had brightened up a little despite the upset expression she sported.

Matsumoto has gone away after. And for the first time in many years, she had taken a sip of sake; cursing the soutaichou all the while.

(At the very back of her mind, she hopes with all hope that fate did a funny thing, that against all odd the woman would turn out to be Karin.)

**oOo**

Karin sighed in irritation.

She minded her business well ever since she recovered from a near-death situation all those years ago. She had learnt to control her reiatsu all thanks to the kind old man who took her under her wing before disappearing without a trace. She had found the old man strange with a habit like her own—wandering aimlessly around. When he had gone away permanently with little comfort, she had chalked the feeling of loneliness to the allusion of losing a family. She hadn't had one for many years.

Karin continued to wander around and finally settled at a specific place thanks to a white-haired pest. She truthfully wanted to punch the smug bugger. She really did. That single encounter with him pulled her into that lone place by the river. There was a spark in her, a semblance of warmth—something that glued her to the spot, almost like a flicker of life within her.

The feeling is addicting. After having to live with an unknown grief for years, the taste of something different had her reeling back to the place. And she only ever felt it when _he_ visits. But she does not tell him that—not even if she was eaten alive by a hollow.

"Ya know," She started as she finished bandaging a reckless kid, "If I don't know any better, I would think that you got a crush on me."

Toushirou sputtered, "I do not! I am here merely to observe you."

"Stalk, you mean." Karin teases, "It's okay to admit it. I wouldn't bite you for it."

"I really don't have one." Toushirou's pitch rises, his face reddening in embarrassment. "I don't even know your name. Wouldn't it be foolish to have feelings for people you don't even know?"

"Oho, tell that to teens." Karin snorted. She dusts herself before entering her little hut, Toushirou following. She placed a cup of tea in front of the man as he settled comfortably. Being a 'doctor' makes large amount of money here, it seems. When people don't have anything to pay, they would give her goods instead. This hut was even built by that stupid gang leader in gratitude for healing his wife.

"I would but I am afraid that they would mull me." She heard the humor in his words and she chuckled, Toushirou continued, "My sister would find it romantic though. Falling in love with a stranger."

"Your sister sounds like any other feminine romantics." Karin replied coolly, settling in front of the man, tea in her hand. Toushirou shrugs, "Probably. If she's still the same."

"What do you mean?"

Toushirou makes it his business not to share any personal information to anyone, especially to strangers. But ever since meeting this oddball, words naturally come out of his mouth, "I don't really know. She just changed one day. Same way with my fukutaichou. It's been…very strange there lately. They look at me like I died or killed someone."

"Oh." Karin doesn't like the look that crept up on Toushirou's face, she dislikes the notion that the rather smug yet serious captain could be disheartened at such degree. So she reached out, instinct taking a hold of her, and stretched his face in a manner that broke his lips into a funny force smile, "Is that why you're here? To escape?"

Toushirou struggled, eyebrow twitching at the audacity. He muffled out a command of letting him go but the woman ignored him, stretching his face further.

"That's such a cowardly move." Karin prodded, "If you don't like their behavior, just freaking ask them head on until they cave. I haven't peg you to be such a wuss."

Slapping the hands away in irritation, he said, "Well, if you had known them before they had changed, you would be uncomfortable enough not to prod. When I talk to them, it felt like they're just going to cry. I'm not really fond of making girls cry."

Karin smirked, "Yeah but you're fond enough of stalking girls, it seems. Rude."

Toushirou groaned, "It's been months and yet your smartass jeers just keeps on evolving, troublesome woman."

Karin laughed at that, relieved to erase the lonesome expression from the man. Even if the man is irritating sometimes. He would really like her to become a Shinigami. It's just sometimes Karin make it her goal to make him forget what he came here for.

She succeeds most of the time.

**oOo**

"Taichou seems to keep visiting the girl he likes." Matsumoto moaned frustratedly, "I tried to follow once but he caught me and diverted me to get me off his back."

Hinamori frowned, "Do you think he found Karin-chan?"

The older woman shrugged, shoulders sagging. She really did hope for it—for a miracle to happen. Her taichou deserves more than a measly romance—he deserves to get Karin back.

"I really hope so." She replied, "He denies of having feelings, you know. But I saw how he fell in love with Karin-chan. He denied it for years. If Karin-chan didn't make the first move, he would have denied it for eternity, keep it to himself and force himself to endure watching the woman he loves fall in love with someone else. If Karin-chan even fell in love with someone other than Taichou."

"Shirou-chan," Hinamori started, eyes softening, "Shirou-chan's affections were the purest thing I had ever witnessed. It's deep and endless. If Karin-chan had asked him to choose her, he would. He would throw away his duties for her. It's scary to think that his happiness had solely revolve around one girl. When I witness his breakdown, that was the moment I know that it's real. That there would come a time when he would disappear from our lives and offer the rest of his life to Karin-chan."

For the first time in years, Hinamori felt herself smile truthfully, "I would like to think that the woman he seemed interested right now is Karin-chan. That in her life here in our world, fate is kinder. That somehow against all odds, they had found each other again. That in retribution for tearing them apart once, fate would step in again and rewrite their story. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Matsumoto couldn't help the soft grin that tilted her lips. Hinamori's positive faith has put something in her too, had rekindled her faith for the two as well. That somehow they would find each other again because they wouldn't let themselves be separated for long—two souls that are just so attracted with each other, their path always would align.

**oOo**

Yuzu is twenty-five when she asked her father if they could live in the realm where Karin and Ichi-nii were. As she gets older, the loneliness has crept up on her in magnitude. She loves the company of her father but it wasn't the same anymore.

Her love for the World of the Living has ended the day she found Karin has killed herself. Her dreams have always involved her twin—settling with the family of their own, growing old near each other. She has always prayed that Karin wouldn't leave her behind. Her worst nightmare has always been losing her family, especially her twin.

At the fourth-year anniversary of Karin's death, she had broken down in a messy fit. She had held it in for so long, kept herself together as much as she can. But little things have reminded her of her loss.

She doesn't tell anyone but there was a time when she hated Toushirou for taking her twin away from her. It was a short time spanning for days as she locked herself in their old bedroom in their house in Karakura. But the hatred lost its spark when her head cleared enough to feel miserable for the man too.

Ichi-nii has told her Toushirou's fate in Seireitei. It wasn't fair, she had shouted as she cried to her brother. It wasn't fair that he would forget the only woman that matters to him, to her.

She has never felt a negative emotion as strongly as the day she heard that news.

She had scrambled for the things that would remind him of Karin, begged Urahara to send them to the other world. But every time it was returned to her, it felt like she's going insane.

So when Karin's death anniversary rolled in again after four years, she had cried to her father her wishes. They don't have a life here anymore without her siblings. She hadn't asked for much, never wish for anything but her family's happiness. So she supposed when her father agreed, it was the same for him.

**oOo**

"You haven't visited for awhile." The first words were cool and nonchalant but obviously spiteful. Toushirou greeted back, "Hello to you too."

Karin rolled her eyes, "You don't deserve hello, asshole. What kind of friend doesn't visit for months?"

"That's unfair." Toushirou replied, "You know I'm a busy man."

"Tch." Karin's tongue clicked, "For a stalker, you sure are."

"Oh so now I'm a stalker instead of a friend. What a sad degradation." Toushirou huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Still he followed Karin to her little hut, settling on his spot. (He ignored the fact he visited enough times to have a 'spot' in her house.)

"Why are you so moody anyway?"

Karin stomped, "I don't know. Probably because you were away when I was freaking harassed here to be married off. What kind of stalker won't protect his crush?"

"What?" His blood boiled at the notion, "Who the hell did that to you?"

Karin felt the drop of temperature and knew that he is genuinely angry. She smiled at her friend's protectiveness. So she shrugged, "It's okay though. I punched the daylights out of them. If I had gotten married, you wouldn't have found me here."

She recalled to him her tight situation five months ago, just three days after he had left. She had been treating an old person when one of the notorious members of an infamous gang had demanded her hand in marriage. Of course, she had refused. That's when shit has gone down. Toushirou has absorbed the tale and chuckled at the headstrong behavior his friend has displayed, imagining how she had beaten up probably hundreds of men.

They enjoyed the silence that pervaded the room. It was only broken when Toushirou finally explained his long absence, "I'm sorry if I hadn't visited you. There had been a large commotion in Seireitei as the rest of the Kurosaki family has returned."

"Kurosaki?" Karin perked up, "That's so odd. My surname's Kurosaki too! What a coincidence."

"It can't be." Toushirou muttered, "Your name isn't Karin, is it?"

Karin looked at him oddly, "How'd you know?"

Toushirou looked at her back seriously, mind racing, "Kurosaki Karin, you need to come with me. I think I know your family."

**oOo**

**To be continued…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: ****They Said Quagmire Before Love**

**Pairing: ****HitsuKarin, implied IchiRuki**

**Genre: ****Romance/Hurt/Comfort**

**Summary: **He loves her and she loves him. It was as simple as that. But no matter how much they look into things, search for different perspectives, it all boils down to the fact, however desperate they are to turn the tides, he is a captain, life to him is his duties—and she is Karin, too stubborn and too selfless to ever ask him to choose her above all else.

**Notes: **Thank you for the reviews and favs and follows! 😊 This time it will be in every perspective available. And I never expected it to be this long. So I cut it and it will be four-shots. Also, do you know why the title is quagmire before love? It's as the story flows.

**oOo**

The dreams started in colorful and clear visions. There were no shadows to hide faces, no cliffhangers that leave most hanging, no vague details. All his dreams were soft, were intensified by emotions, were everything that rises in crescendo.

They started after months of knowing the vague girl in the first district. And it is so peculiar that she resembles the woman that resides in the crevices of his slumber. He first chalked it up to association. But when they do not end nor change faces, he was convinced it was something foretelling.

When he visited her, he doesn't tell her of his dreams—that whenever he slumbers, he thinks of her in varying ages, so frighteningly realistic that he's afraid to breach the subject with anyone else; and that he hated Karin's eyes in them, if she really was Karin.

If the woman looked so in love with the image of him, how come she looks like she had already given up?

**oOo**

It took a lot of convincing from his part but eventually Karin had agreed to go with him to Seireitei. She was nervous, he could tell. But he assured her that everything will be alright.

The moment they had stepped in was the moment everything has slowly fallen to places. They didn't know that. They have forgotten things that are very important to them. All they know was Toushirou is bringing back Karin to her family. After hearing all her stories from various people, he couldn't believe how right they were.

"Kurosaki-taichou." He had greeted politely. Ichigo has tilted his head in response, comfortably lying down on his side as he watches his subordinates train. "Yo, Toushirou. Do you need anything?"

"It's Hitsugaya-taichou to you." Toushirou muttered in annoyance before regaining back his thoughts, "No, I do not need anything from you. In fact, I bring good news."

"What is it?" Not one for dramatics, Toushirou replied, "I think I had found your sister Karin."

Ichigo almost thinks that he misheard it. The laughable coincidence of fate is almost cruel, almost sweet, almost messed up. He doesn't comprehend it as fast as he wanted to, stumped to silence by the situation he was led into by the white-haired captain's declaration. (_Because who would have thought it will be him?_)

"Kurosaki-taichou?" There is a questioning tone in it, heavy enough to dispel his blankness. Ichigo scrambles to his feet, his hands wounding themselves on the shoulders of Toushirou. Eyes searching, he asks, "Where is she?"

"She's…" Toushirou pauses before continuing, "She's at my quarters right now. She's a little nervous so don't scare her."

Ichigo nodded. Toushirou doesn't know what to say anymore so he turns around and gestures for the Fifth Captain to come. When they arrive, Karin was waiting by the pond, back towards them.

"Karin?" At the voice and the call of her name, she pivots. There was a brief moment of pause where the slow realization that they finally come to this point in time, where Karin is in front of him again, where suddenly the searching is over, where everything seems to be going full circle is sinking gradually and surely in their bones. He drank the sight of his baby sister whose face never aged from when she was twenty-one. She's as beautiful as she has always been. When he was released from his dawning state, it only took a second to gather her in his arms.

Ichigo's nightmares wash away as if they were never there from the start.

He cried without restraint, his tears soaking the sleeves of his sister's kimono. Karin looks past her brother and sees Toushirou's retreating back and she smiles softly despite her initial fear of being the wrong sister. She gingerly wraps her arms around her brother and soaks at the familial moment.

It has been so long since she felt loved to this extent—even felt like it was the first time really since she had woken up in this realm. What a wonderful feeling it is.

**oOo**

"_I love you." She repeated in his ears, voice trembling. "I love you so much, Toushirou."_

**oOo**

The news of Kurosaki Karin being found spread like wildfire. The bereaved family gathered around her like moths to flame, the sight of Karin bringing tears in their eyes.

Yuzu has been the one to completely break down in happiness. Her sobs echoed throughout, the ringing pain was there but it tinges with joy, her relief palpable. After all these years, she cannot believe that Karin, her precious baby sister, is finally in front of her.

It's funny that she's twenty-four already and yet they still look like they both never aged. She has joked about it in between her wails, effectively cracking a smile from her bewildered twin.

Their father was not a far sight from her. In true Isshin fashion, he has bawled his eyes out, dignity be damned.

It's funny that Karin has forgotten them but her instinct in kicking their father when he tried to hug her was still there.

Everything is alright now. _Now that she's here, she's not going away anymore,_ Yuzu thinks to herself.

_Right?_

**oOo**

_She was sixteen when he first thought of it._

_He loves her in ways he doesn't know where it ends, doesn't know how deep it goes. He loves her the way the ocean kisses the sand every single day, the way the sky embraces its stars, the way the shadow keeps following the light. He loves her in spades, in multiplying amount. He loves her the way a man loves a woman, putting all inhibitions away and deciding that she is the one._

_And he knows she loves him in the same frightening amount the way he does to her. There was no doubt that their affections with each other were an iceberg, was deep as the ocean, still has so much to explore for._

_Yet, she looks at him sometimes as if she is resigned to accept the truth about them. She looks at him like she loves him so, so much but she knows that she can't (doesn't) ask for more than what little time they have. _

_So he doesn't ask her. And she never thought of being asked._

What sad eyes, Toushirou thought as he wakes up from his slumber in the middle of the night. He never thought Karin could ever sport something so somber. But she did in his dreams. He hated it. Most of them contain of dreams that make him want to vomit from its sheer misery.

What kind of person dreams of something sad? Of things left unsaid? Of things that cannot be?

He hated it since they started weeks ago.

**oOo**

"What do you think is going to happen?" Matsumoto asks, hands tracing the clouds in the sky. Her eyes are half-closed but her senses are wide awake. Hinamori shrugs, "I do not know. I'm afraid to infer from things that are just starting to draw itself."

Matsumoto hummed, "The fire has spread but there was no word nor action from him."

"Do you think…?"

Matsumoto has thought a lot of things for the past few years. She has thought of bad stuffs, of the good ones, of conclusions too bittersweet that it choked her from its state, of pieces falling to the right places. She has wondered enough times that she could write multiple stories from two characters alone. She has wondered enough times that she knew how deep her loyalty runs.

"Whatever happens," She quietly declares, "I'll choose them. I'll choose their happiness. Whatever it takes. Over this lifetime, I swear."

(_And if Gin was there on the next one, she would choose him. Selfishly. Repeatedly. Infinitely. She swore next time it will be their time._)

Hinamori smiled softly, "Whatever it takes then."

**oOo**

Karin smiled as she sees Toushirou approaching, hands hidden by his robes as he crosses his arms. She tipped her head as if she was signing her greeting in true English fashion, something her sister has taught her in their bonding moments.

"I see that you haven't forgotten me yet." She kisses her words with playful spite, words that didn't even faze the Tenth captain. Toushirou tilted his head in a huff, "You? Be forgotten? I wonder who soak my paperwork hours ago."

Karin reddens.

"It was an accident." She says, "Come on, Toushirou. I never meant to suddenly flare out like that."

"This is why I told you to enter the academy. Even your sister has enrolled already. You'll be able to control your reiatsu there. You'll even learn more advanced healing skills." He makes a valid point like he always does, Karin rolls her eyes at his remarkable reasoning skills. She stuck her tongue at him, "I don't want to become like you Shinigamis. Too much work."

"And pray tell, what would you do with the rest of your life?" Toushirou is generally curious. He doesn't know what Karin would become given her captain-level reiatsu. With her refusal to go the same road as her family, possibilities of her future are vague. He doesn't like not knowing things—especially with regards to her very being.

Karin shrugs, pausing. She stares at her companion's expectant stare before averting her eyes to the large expanse of Seireitei below them. Their comfortable haven on the hill was kept a secret—they never meant to but it just felt right. They always feel the stare following them, prying them open, waiting for them to slip up for something that elude them. Karin understands that a strange girl like her who was neither a Shinigami or anything close to having any powerful status other than being part of the Kurosaki family shouldn't be gallivanting around with a powerful man like her friend. They always ignore it though.

A sudden thought pops through her mind diverting her mind to something cheerier.

The shit-eating grin that splits swiftly on Karin made Toushirou instantly suspicious. Before he could even attempt to question it, he was pulled down in a loose hug, face inches from the beautiful woman.

"I'll marry you then to keep myself busy for the rest of my life."

He splutters. Karin laughs at his state and she continues with her teasing making her poor friend reddens further. It was times like this when people wonder how they even get along in the first place. A strange powerful girl who refuses their family's destiny and a powerful icy captain who lives for his duties in their realm.

"As if I'll marry you! Dream on, Karin."

What a strange pair, indeed.

(_Back when Karin was alive, she never spoke of marriage, never even thought of having a family. She always wanted to just love Toushirou as much as she could before time runs out. It was always Toushirou who dreamt of domestic life but he never spoke of it, never tried breaching the subject for fear that Karin would look sadder than she always did._)

**oOo**

"I assume that you get along well with my sister." It was a start of an awkward conversation. Ichigo breaching the subject with brotherly intent, Toushirou shuffling through words cautiously. They both knew where this is leading to.

"I apologize for the misunderstanding, Kurosaki-taichou." Toushirou averted, "I do get along well with Karin. But not the way you think nor the way Yuzu thinks. We are friends, yes."

Ichigo hums in response. Much to the Tenth captain's chagrin, the orange-haired man deliberately disregarded his clarifying statement much like the other Kurosaki sibling did a few days ago.

"She likes soccer. Like the little round black and white ball. But when she went to high school, she enjoyed kendo more." Little details of Karin surfaces again like tales of great importance that needed to be retold. "If you're going to take her out for a meal, make sure she gets Donburi. Or Yakitori. For sweets, she rather has a penchant for chocolate cakes."

Karin likes the color teal. She loves spending her time reading, much to his surprise. She can't cook to save her life. She doesn't like coffee and prefer tea over it. As much as possible she refrained from eating candies even if she has a sweet tooth. She loves winter, the snow and the cold were always comforting for her. And she loves watching sunsets.

Little details treated like he needed them when he doesn't.

"Kurosaki-taichou." He interrupted the rant, overlooking the excessive details Ichigo has. Even he doesn't know that much about his adopted sister. And he bets that Byakuya doesn't too. Maybe, it's the real blood relationship thing. Or something.

"I do not harbor any romantic feelings for your sister."

Ichigo stops at that, peers at him before letting out a snort, "Sure, you don't."

Toushirou wasn't given any space to refute. It wasn't that he couldn't. Just the presence of the subject matter barging in his office with her eager smile expelled his disagreements. He ignored the all-knowing look of Ichigo.

"Toushirou!" Karin's face was bright with excitement, her hands clasp in a fashion that he knew she picks up from her more feminine twin, "You promised me lunch! Get your ass out already—oh, Ichi-nii!"

Ichigo merely smiled, got up, casted a probing stare at the shorter man, and left.

"What was that for?"

Toushirou shook his head, "Just captain stuffs."

"Really?"

"Really." He pauses before continuing, "Would you like Donburi for lunch?"

Karin's smile brightened even more as she nodded.

**oOo**

"_Toushirou." Karin's voice was warm, her hands gentle as she caresses his shoulders, sluggishly sliding down his naked torso. She was beautiful in the moonlight, hair spilled from her usual messy bun. He loves the way her black hair contrasted her alabaster skin, the way her naturally pink lips opened in a pant as he marked her as his, the way her chest heaved in waves as the adrenaline gets the better of them._

_It is in the dead silent of the night, days after her birthday, that they found themselves alone in the house. No signs of the other members of the Kurosaki family present._

_The first time that they did it was the same rush of adrenaline, back when Karin was only sixteen. They never regretted it. What is to regret? They merely shared their bodies with each other, a higher proof of their uncontainable love._

_Now, Karin turns eighteen. And it's not as scarce as they have done back then. He couldn't count the times that they shared bed with one another, couldn't count the times when he couldn't resist tasting her again, couldn't count the times when they barely tumble on her red bed sheet in the heat of their passion._

_He groaned into her ears, feeling his release._

"_Toushirou."_

_He loves her voice, the way they pronounce his name. For him, she could say anything and he would be enamored with it. She could say his name over and over again and he would not be tired at all._

"_Toushirou.." Just like this. "Toushirou."_

"Toushirou!"

He jerked away at the sudden scream in his ears. He wakes up at the sight of Karin sitting on him, the sunlight streaming from his window and he deduces that the woman opened it.

"What the hell, Karin?" He groans, pushing her off him. He shakes his head to get rid of the rather vivid memory of something very inappropriate regarding the said woman who has a penchant for barging in his home. Karin smirks at him, "I see you are a man, huh. For a second there, I thought of you as asexual."

"What?" Confusion mars his face. Karin only slides her eyes down his body, his eyes following where they are staring and finding that he was experiencing a hormonal situation most men go through every single day.

He reddens.

"GET OUT!"

Karin's lazy laughter echoes as she runs away.

**oOo**

Hinamori meets Karin accidentally.

It wasn't anything predetermined or planned. She was merely gathering her things when the famous little sister came barging in their barracks, hands on her hips, an irritated look on her face. She didn't know what to say but the spitfire's name in bewilderment.

"Eh?" Karin's eyes roamed before falling on her, "Have you seen my brother? He was supposed to be at our house an hour ago."

"Kurosaki-taichou?" Hinamori stumbled over her words not out of nervousness but out of the overwhelming emotions that filled her chest. This is the girl her little Shirou-chan has craved for, has loved, _still loves_. This is the girl her little Shirou-chan was ready to throw his life away, the one who broke his icy demeanor enough to make an honest man out of him. She was everything and more for her brother.

The tears that gathered in her eyes fell.

Karin's eyes, in turn, widen at the sight. Backtracking, she bows awkwardly, "I'm sorry for my rude behavior."

Hinamori scrambles for words, wiping her tears. She felt silly for crying. But here is Kurosaki Karin, against all odds, she came barging in her little brother's life again. Was this how unconditional happiness felt like?

"I'm… I'm sorry." Hinamori sobs, the tears won't stop. "This is… this is not… how I… am usually. I'm sorry."

Karin scratches the back of her neck in awkwardness, saying, "I don't know what to do with crying women…"

Hinamori shook her head, finally grasping a sense of calmness after a few minutes. She breathed in before replying, "It's okay. I'm sorry for crying in front of you. It's just…"

Brown eyes soften considerably, hands reaching and grasping porcelain skin. The younger girl stiffens and she smiles gently, dispelling any threat that Karin might feel.

"I'm just glad that you're back."

**oOo**

"Hinamori!"

The said woman startles, swiveling at the sound of doors harshly opening. The sight of her little brother confuses her. Toushirou is unusually ruffled, eyes narrowed in agitation, reiatsu flaring ominously. Has she done anything lately that must have incurred the ire of her Shirou-chan?

"Shirou-chan, you look like you're about to pop." Her words did not mean to make him angrier but it did. She took a nervous step back, "Have I done anything, Shirou-chan?"

Toushirou looks around the deserted office, eyes searching before closing the door behind him. His glare is frosty and his stance is livid before he spoke, "Are you truly hitting on Karin?"

Hinamori gapes.

"So you are!" The man paces forward, pulling her to him, she peered up, "You are a woman, Hinamori. You can't. Not with Karin. There is Kira, the poor man has been pining for you. If you think my insults about you being ugly is true, it is not. You are pretty so you can get a guy you like. Don't hit on another woman, for goodness sake."

Her memory lights up and she suddenly understands his irrational behavior. Enamored men tend to be really illogical and assuming sometimes. She breaks out into a giggling fit.

"Oh, Shirou-chan!" He doesn't even refute her pet name for him, too flustered with the odd conclusion he drew from Karin's encounter with his sister. _Because maybe, Momo was sad because she lost Karin once. What is the logical explanation with his sister's odd behavior towards meeting Karin then?_

"I was not hitting on Karin-chan, you silly boy." She was able to articulate her defense at the accusation, "I won't take away Karin-chan from you."

"Oh. Good." Toushirou muttered before his eyes widen, "I mean what do you mean by that?"

Hinamori felt the surge of happiness once more, the same feeling of relief she has when she met Karin. It was a warm enveloping feeling, like a taste of the sky, a freeing sensation of sort. She can't help but smile wider. So this is how it started. This is how it began a long time ago—a denial from a man whose world revolves around duties, a repression of feelings, a forceful demarcation from hope that love could thrive between two different people.

"If you have any sort of feelings for her, if you like her or if you love her," Her voice was tinkling softly, mellowed by the large amount of hope and faith for the love of her little brother with Karin to be rekindled again even in this cruel realm, "You have to tell her. Don't lose her, Toushirou. Don't let her be taken away from you."

_Not again. Never again_.

"I don't know what you are talking about. Me? With Karin? Preposterous." He doesn't tell her about his strange dreams that plagued him at night. It wasn't anything dangerous, not anything to be stressed about. It just felt like a familiar life he lived, Karin younger than she should be in his dreams, eyes, although bright and has a certain happiness in them, have this sort of somberness within. _He doesn't like the Karin in his dreams—or rather he doesn't like the misery her bright eyes possessed, so different from the pair he had come to value._

Hinamori smiled at him teasingly, "Well if you don't want her, I could try with her. She's so pretty too."

Her words were enough to draw out a possessive growl from her little brother and she barks out an unrestrained laughter, giggles following the retreating captain, his glare frostier than when he had first come.

**oOo**

"What do you think of love?" The question was delivered in ease, out of a soft-spoken lips. Karin looks at her sister, eyes widening at such query, "Do I have to answer that?"

Yuzu hums in response, "Well?"

"I don't know." Karin admits, eyes lowering. She doesn't. Or she thinks she doesn't. She never retrieved her memories of her previous life so she doesn't know if she had ever offered her heart to anyone. And her waking moments in the afterlife were spent surviving the gaping hole her chest seems to carry, to walk and walk as to forget the misery she constantly felt.

_What is love?_ She doesn't know.

"What about Toushirou-kun?" Furrowing her brows, Karin contemplated before answering, "I don't think Toushirou knows either. I bet he never plans on ever being in a romantic relationship."

"No." Yuzu shakes her head, "I meant, what do you think of Toushirou-kun? As a prospective partner?"

Karin thinks. She doesn't hate the idea, to her surprise. Toushirou is probably the only man she could think in that kind of light. She loves making him crack a smile as unusual as they are. And she loves how he thinks it's his obligation to protect her somehow as annoying that is. He's a dear friend—someone who mellowed the ache she felt in her Rukongai days. There weren't many people that took space in her heart but he's one of the few she doesn't like losing.

Eyes softening, Karin replies in a tone that reminded Yuzu of old times, "Even if it wasn't with me, with his loyalty and faithfulness, Toushirou would be a great partner."

"Would there be any chance that you might love him?"

Karin laughs easily, words pouring, "Yeah. He's not that hard to love anyway."

(_Once, a human girl falls in love with a Shinigami. She loves him in spades, in waves. It wasn't hard not to fall in love with the boy. He has so much love kept in him nobody ever thought he ever had. So she took it for herself for as long as she could ever have it._

_Once, a human girl gave her life away for a Shinigami. She forgot everything but the ache. She carries it with her like a shadow. She never thought she'll ever be able to erase it. But then she met a man in black, eyes of teal, hair of snow. And she felt lighter somehow. She doesn't know why._

_Once, the human girl was asked of love. She does not know what to answer. But when ask if she'll offer her heart to the man in black, eyes of teal, hair of snow, she answers in earnest clarity._

_She doesn't know that love was always him in many lifetimes.)_

**oOo**

_Beautiful_.

The thought wasn't new to him at all. It arises out of the blue but it has been there for as long as he had known the petite woman in front of him. Karin's eyes twinkles without restraint, so unlike those of his dreams.

"Toushirou, look!" She pulls out a fish from the river like she was pulling flowers from a garden. And he is amaze at her speed, the way that he is amaze by most things that she does.

"Looks like we'll be having fish for dinner." He gives his response as he walks closer. Karin grins at him, "I'll let Yuzu cook it."

Teal eyes roam the contour of Karin's face, searching for anything amiss. He doesn't get the same somberness in her feature. She is marred by a sense of relief, of calmness. The turbulent emotions she wore in his dreams were swift away at how light she feels.

"Hey, Karin." Successfully capturing her attention, he plowed on, "Have we met before?"

He sees the confusion flashes in her eyes, "What do you mean, Toushirou? Of course, we did! You met me at your granny's house. I met you like a year ago."

"I mean," He hesitated, "I mean when you're still alive. Have we met when you're still alive?"

Dreams of kisses, of touches, of silly arguments, of passion, of goodbye's flitted through his mind.

Karin shrugs, "I don't know. I don't remember."

"Well, what if we met?" Toushirou imagines, "Do you think… do you think we would be together?"

"Would you love me even if I'm a human? Even if I am against all that you had believed in, all that you had followed?" Karin asks back, voice softening. She has this kind of conversation far too many times more than she could count that it does not faze her anymore. People asked her about circumstances she doesn't let herself dwell in. _What if you love Toushirou? What if Toushirou loves you? What if you met when you were still alive? What if things were different?_

Her brother sometimes asked her of absurd circumstantial questions that she started drafting her own once in awhile. She thinks it funny—how Toushirou could ease her ache, but also how he could intensify it whenever her mind dwells in what if's people like to ask her.

"I…" He doesn't know the right answer. Karin expected it as much. She doesn't think that he'll choose her over his duties, doesn't draw hope from silly what if's. If anything, she never expected to be asked by such question from him of all people.

So she dispels his dilemma and offers him a kind smile, "If we had met in my previous life, I'm sure we would be great friends. I wouldn't imagine you falling in love with me." Here, she gives a little chuckle even as something inside her tightens, "Falling in love with a little human girl? The great Hitsugaya Toushirou? Don't you think it would be silly if you had chosen me over your duties?"

"No." It was an automatic response that took them both by surprise. Toushirou grasps blindly for a remedy but he couldn't. So he sighs, "Do you think so lowly of me that I wouldn't have chosen you?" Pausing before adding, "Hypothetically, of course."

Karin shrugs before answering, "I wouldn't want you to. If we had been together, I wouldn't want you to throw away your life for me. Human lives are fleeting, after all."

"Then…" Toushirou swallows. The recent dream he has was the first vague one he had gotten. It was cold and dreary, he thought he was watching in third person perspective. A cold stabbing fear has gripped him into waking. All he remembers was Ichigo's stricken face, telling him of his friend's death before blacking out and waking in cold sweats. "Would you throw your life away for me?"

"What brought this on?" She worried her lips at such a strange question. When she sees the anxiousness in Toushirou's teals, she decided to answer, "I don't know. Hypothetically, I was in love with you. Would I love you enough to throw my life away as to follow you? Over my family? Or over whatever dreams I had in my previous life?"

"Right." Toushirou breathed a minute after. Karin is a headstrong woman. He bets that she has dreams of her own—that she'll follow the route of her life in the World of the Living rather than follow him to death. Even if it meant losing each other completely.

The thought, even theoretical, doesn't sit well with him as much as he wanted to deny it.

"What brought this on?" Karin repeated and he looks away, "Just strange dreams at night."

**oOo**

He can pinpoint the exact moment his fukutaichou's estrange demeanor began to change. She has this light aura once more in her wake, sunlight following her steps, and the usual ringing of laughter wafting through the air wherever she goes.

Matsumoto looks livelier in years with the sudden company of the Kurosaki twins—as if she had been letting herself wither away without the two by her side. The look of guilt has flitted from her feature and her smile rises in volume.

When, one day, he asked her about it, he was given the reality he had lost. Matsumoto has replied, "I'm sorry for not being there for you."

"What do you mean?" Her eyes drifted off as if consumed by memories that are still so fresh in her mind. She smiled in a wistful manner, "Don't worry, Taichou. Everything will be fine now."

"Can you be honest with me?" The question was demanding and she listened attentively, "Your… your sadness. And Momo's. Was it… was it something that I had done? Something that is connected to Karin somehow?"

Matsumoto had looked at him in a strange way and then she sighed, "It's not something that you had done. It was my fault. For failing you."

"You keep apologizing for something I don't know. Tell me, did something happen?"

Matsumoto furrowed her brows, contemplated. He didn't know that his encounter with his odd vice-captain could have thrown him in a loop. But there were words flitting through her eyes in a turbulent manner, varying emotions that steeled her resolve.

She turned towards the door and then locked it.

"Matsumoto?"

The woman pivoted towards him and he is startled at the sudden cuss she let out. "I don't care what happens to me." She told him in earnest, "Whatever oath I was under, those were for being a Shinigami. But what I would be telling you, this is because I'm your friend, Taichou, and I love you like a mother to a son." She smiled wickedly before thrusting the question, "Would you believe me if I told you that you and Karin-chan were once a couple when she was still alive?"

"What?"

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" Matsumoto plowed on, laughing bitterly and that was the moment he knew she wasn't kidding around. A sense of immediate realization dawned on him like waves crashing on large rocks, loud and harsh. He is filled with a sudden dread, his head aching.

"I…" He winced at the onset of pounding, "I had dreams, Matsumoto. About Karin in varying age. I thought they were only fantasies. But they felt so real. What happened to me? To us?"

"I didn't get to save you from our traditions." The tears began sliding down her cheeks, lips curling downwards, "I didn't get to save Karin-chan from them as well. I'm so sorry, Taichou. I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything. I just wanted you to be happy. And I couldn't even do that."

Everything that has been in the crevices of Matsumoto's chest came spilling out in red stain, eyes leaking with the pain she endured, her guilt showing tremendously. She doesn't blame anyone but herself—it was as if she was consumed by her failure that it resulted to a destructive self-hatred.

"It wasn't your fault." He tried but Matsumoto's smile fell flat once more, "It might as well be."

**oOo**

"Yuzu?" Karin is restless, she couldn't sleep. After her talk with Toushirou, the shadows of her past haunt her. She couldn't remember anything and yet, it felt like her friend had known something about her, about them.

Yuzu's eyes cracks blearily. She was attentive to the littlest sound Karin makes. So, when Karin called, she woke up immediately.

"Yes?"

"How did I die?" The query stirs Yuzu into full wakefulness. She frowns at it. She has pushed the event into the very back of her mind, has hated it ever since she found out.

"It's not a happy memory, Karin." She says, voice choking. Karin winces at the tone. She doesn't want to upset her twin but there is something bothering her for awhile now. She soldiers on, "I know. It's just that I had this talk with Toushirou. And we talked about things you guys usually ask me about. I was… surprise that he would even open a subject like that."

She pauses, mind reeling, then she adds, "Yuzu, was I in love with Toushirou when I was alive?"

Yuzu freezes. Gasping, she asks, "Do you remember?"

"I… I don't." There is a rustle of clothes and Karin knows that her twin had gotten up, her light steps cross the short distance and she feels the dip of her bed, the added weight of her twin becoming a warm source of comfort, "It's just a gut feeling."

Yuzu had hoped that her sister will remember. But she had also wished that she didn't. She never wanted to see the sad eyes Karin wore when they were both alive.

"You love him so much, you know." Yuzu starts after a minute, "And he loves you back as much. But you never ask for anything more than you think is necessary. And he never forced you to try asking for more. You never asked him to choose you despite the fact that he would. You wanted him to live a life he would not regret. You thought that your life is fleeting, is smaller over the weight of his duties here. I thought it foolish but you told me that he deserved better than being cast aside by the world he had tried so hard to protect because he had chosen you."

"You love him and he loves you." Yuzu looks at her twin, smiling sadly, "And it's just so sad that you could never be truly happy because you keep counting the days when you'll lose him completely. I don't mean to sound blameful but you tied his hands, Karin. Because he would have chosen you if you asked but you never did. And he ruined you for other man too. He should have just stayed if that's what he really wanted. He would have thrown the whole world for you—and he did, or he tried before everything went downhill. You love each other so much that even as selfless you wanted to be or as honorable to his oath he tried to be, you end forsaking those that deny you what you both wanted, _needed. _It just so happened that fate is a cruel thing."

Karin felt an immense pain that started from her chest and spread throughout, her veins burning, her chest heaving. Suddenly, it all makes sense—why her pain only ever eases when he is near, why she stayed by the river hoping he'll find her again, why it was so easy to be with him, why it was so natural to find herself searching for him, even if she denies constantly the attraction she felt towards him, chalking it up to the comfortability of finding her first friend in a strange world.

"I need to see him." She says and Yuzu smiles at her, shaking her head, "And what would you do?"

Karin peers at her twin before smiling back, "Ask him to choose me."

**oOo**

Genryusai has expected him to visit him as soon as he heard Kurosaki Karin's appearance. He just didn't know when but he knows he will.

He swivels and sees the angry look that the Tenth captain sports. He peers at him from his seat, asking, "What do you want, Hitsugaya-taichou?"

"Why'd you do it?" Without qualms nor fear, Toushirou poses the question. He had been mulling it over for the weeks after Matsumoto has confessed, had avoided Karin as to not involve her in any danger he might get himself into, had resolved his disposition.

"Maa." The Soutaichou hums, "The seal is broken. What was the push that broke it?"

"It doesn't matter." Toushirou averted, feet dragging closer to where his commander is, "Why'd you do it?"

"Traditions, young one." Genryusai replies simply.

"Bullshit!" The tone flares with fury, "You should have let me go to her. You should have just cast me aside. You'll find other people to replace my absence. Because of you that she died!"

"Because of me?" Frowning, he quips, "Wasn't it you the reason why she died? To love you so deeply that she foolishly chose you over life itself? Because you cannot choose as fast she did, because your indecisions and fear made you hesitate?"

"Do not draw your sword against me." Toushirou freezes at the booming voice, blood going cold at the rise of temperature. Genryusai's mouth dips in disapproval, "Your affections made you unstable for a man of your caliber. Have you forgotten, Hitsugaya-taichou, your oath as a captain? To protect every world against all forms of darkness. Why would you throw it all away for a mere human girl?"

Marred by a sense of hatred, he spits venomously, "I had served for years remarkably for the world I had loyally protected only to be shamed and oppressed for my affections for the daughter of the man who threw his duties away for love. She never asked me for anything, she never asked me to pick her. What do you think I would choose? A hateful world or the woman I love? I would choose her, you know, over this lifetime, over the next, over and over for as long as I find her."

Genryusai's eyes widen.

"Sit upon the frozen heavens, Hyourinmaru!"

**oOo**

The sounds of the falling debris and the choking gravity of two opposing elements wake the whole Seireitei. Karin rushes towards the window, Yuzu following behind. It can't be, she thinks to herself as she worried her lip.

"Karin?"

"Toushirou." She says mindlessly, "Toushirou is in danger."

In a panic, she swivels and almost trips as she runs towards the exit. She was saved from the fall by her older sister. Arms wrapping tightly, Yuzu trembles, "Karin, if you go, you'll be in danger yourself. I don't… I don't want to lose you again."

She felt her shoulders soaked with the tears that flowed down her twin's eyes and she embraces her in an attempt to comfort, "You're not going to lose me, Yuzu. I promise. It's just that… Toushirou… he…"

"In any world, in any lifetime," Yuzu spoke softly, "You'll still choose him, huh."

_Even over me._ The words went unsaid but it rang painfully between them. Karin could only tighten her hold and then without any more second to waste, she turns away.

Yuzu watches her twin go, tears still flowing. After their conversation, she saw the determination that settled in her twin's eyes. She saw the Karin she knew when she was young, before Toushirou ever entered their life. And then the obvious affection her sister has harbored pleasantly surface in her plum pools, unrestrained as if she could finally let it be known even when Yuzu has already figured it out.

There was a brief flitter of sadness that carved its way in her chest because she knew. She _knows_ that her sister would have chosen him over anyone else even if Karin tries to be selfless. And it had hurt because she would have chosen her over the whole world.

But she guesses that she had known love differently from that of Karin's.

So she watches her go, tears freely raining, towards the man Karin loves so deeply, just an hour after she asked her about the mystery of her death, of her life, of Toushirou's involvement in between.

**oOo**

When she arrives at the wreckage, she witnesses Toushirou's bleeding form and a familiar old man. She runs towards her heaving struggling friend but was stop by the strong arms of her brother, Matsumoto and Hinamori blocking her path.

"Let me go!" She struggles, "Toushirou… Toushirou!"

At her voice, Toushirou turns. He watches her breaks free from her brother but was pinned down by his sister and fukutaichou. He furrows his brow before creating a dome that surrounds her. He can't endanger her, not again.

"Hmmm." His head snaps at the sudden movement from the calm commander. He glares, "Don't you dare!"

"I wouldn't." Genryusai tells him, walking near the dome. Toushirou blocks him, sword hitting steel. He swore, jumping three steps away, making sure that he is still in front of the dome.

Their swords clash once more in a flurry of movement, fast and strong. Untrained eyes wouldn't be able to catch their movements, could only hear the sound of metals fighting. The captains and vice-captains who stood to watch, swords drawn as well just in case, were the only ones to follow their fight.

The First barracks were half destroyed by fire and ice. Buildings had been ruined by crashes, the ground had cracked beneath them. His hatred has intensified by the minute, feeling belittled by the older commander.

He staggers as the soutaichou's sword slice through his shoulder.

"What do you want from this fight, Hitsugaya-taichou?" Genryusai asks, "Revenge? For what? You lived even after your traitorous intent to leave our realm for a human girl. You were given a lighter punishment—one that can be undone by meeting her again. What is your cause for this fight? You are only endangering everyone again over your thoughtless action."

"Stop this nonsense, already." Without another word, he was pinned down by a strong kido, arms tied behind him in a painful manner. He fell to his knees. Toushirou peered up as his commander closes the distance between the dome and himself. He yells in panic, "No! Don't you dare harm her! Or I swear to god I'll destroy you. I swear!"

With a flick of his wrist, the dome melted.

Karin blinks while the three stood on guard.

"Old man?" She mutters, "You're a Shinigami?"

"Hello, child." Genryusai smiles deftly, "We met again."

Karin almost smiled back at her grandfather-figure before realizing that he had harmed Toushirou. She got up her feet and proceeded to drop a kick which the man evaded skillfully, "What the fuck, old man! After you disappeared on me, you appear again harming the man I fucking love."

"Oho." The older man chuckles, "You're still the same, aren't you?"

"And you're the same hateful old man." She turns away, feeling small all of a sudden, "Do you… do you accept me now that I am dead? Am I free to be with him now?"

This was the man powerful enough to tear them apart once. She could be more hateful, snarl at him more and swear him to hell and back. But what good would it do her? If he so pleased, they could be hunted down for all eternity, never finding the peace they both wanted. So she carefully treaded, feeling helpless in situations where status and power meant everything.

Genryusai smiled kindly.

"Go." He signals, "Go to him."

And she did.

"You're a twisted man, aren't you?" Ichigo appears to recover enough to deliver a spiteful comment. He merely raised his brow, "You know, I found her almost dead again. In one of my walks in Rukongai, I had spotted her amidst the onslaught of hollow attacks, the weaker Shinigami that responded got eaten. But she did her best to survive. She has a large amount of luck, you know."

"Is that why you suddenly disappear once in awhile?"

The Soutaichou casts a look at Karin, "She reminds me of someone."

(_Midnight black hair. Orange eyes. Duties and love. Thousands of years ago, parted by weakness on both sides. He lost her amidst his desire to protect her. That's when he realizes that the dead shouldn't mingle with those living or the consequences will be dire.)_

"Toushirou!" Karin calls. He blearily looks at her, nausea coming in waves, blood oozing, "Karin… I…"

"Shhh." Karin whispers as she cradles him, hand hovering over his wounds, "It will be okay."

**oOo**

Toushirou blinks awake, mind reeling. His body hurt all over and his head is still pounding but he found himself in a sudden embrace.

"Taichou!"

"Uck!" He gritted, "You're not Karin."

Matsumoto pouted, letting him go, "Is that what you say to the woman who carried you after you pass out?"

"I don't think thanking you is even on my mind, now knowing that I was carried by you of all people."

"She carried you in a princess-hold! What a sight that was." The voice that he wanted to hear appears, teasingly articulating an even more embarrassing scenario. He groans, "This is such a pain."

Warm fingers caress his cheeks and he opens his eyes to see Karin's face inches away from him, "I'm glad that you're awake now."

Sensing that it's going to be a private matter, Matsumoto silently left.

"I'm glad too." Toushirou smiles back before frowning, "Karin, I'm sorry."

Karin shrugs, knowing where the conversation is leading, "It's not your fault."

"It is." He insisted, "If only—"

"Then you would only have me for a couple decades." She says, "Then after that, what will happen to us? You'll be hunted down by Soul Society. And if we had children, wouldn't they just get involved too? Just for another generation of heartbreak. It's not your fault, Toushirou."

"I chose you." Toushirou confesses, "I was about to go to you, Karin. I was ready to throw my life away here for you. But I was too late."

"We were at the wrong time." Sadly smiling, she replies, "Yuzu told me that with the great amount of my love for you comes a heavy acceptance that you'll never truly be mine. And that made me miserable even when I found myself happier with you. So maybe, maybe fate isn't as cruel as we think."

Toushirou remembers her sad eyes and felt uncomfortable with it. They wanted each other to be happy but made wrong decisions, thinking that selflessness would spare them the misery.

"I love you." He kisses the words with his affection, flowing with deep emotions. Karin's cheeks redden and she nods, finding herself timid all of a sudden. Toushirou repeats himself, wanting to fill the years apart with his confession, "I love you."

(_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.)_

Finally, he gets her to say it too after saying his confessions for the hundredth times.

"Enough already!" She stutters before laughingly whispering back, "I love you too, you reckless idiot."

**oOo**

He loves her and she loves him. It was as simple as that. But no matter how much they look into things, search for different perspectives, it all boils down to the fact, however desperate they are to turn the tides, he is a captain, life to him is his duties—and she is Karin, too stubborn and too selfless to ever ask him to choose her above all else.

Or that was how it should be.

But fate is a funny thing. It makes miracles out of a bottomless pit of hopelessness. It takes and it takes but will give something back once in awhile. Not many people were ever as lucky as the few. They never thought they would be.

But against all odds, they made it.

So he loves her and she loves him. It was as simple as that. And no amount of twists could ever tear them apart. Because Toushirou would choose her over anyone else, in this lifetime or in the next. And Karin, after learning the hard way, is stubborn enough to never let him go again.

_**Fin**_

_They find love after quagmire._

And so, it ends. Thank you so much for your support. I hope I had delivered. 😊


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